Hi,
In a quite amusing turn of events, a day or so after you received my newsletter about how to handle difficult situations over which we have no control, I found myself smack in the middle of one such situation. It’s been a really rough few days emotionally, and I almost didn’t write this newsletter as a result.
But I try not to be a quitter. So this week’s missive is about another thing I realised, with regard to not having control, which I didn’t include in my last newsletter. Being flat on your back with no idea what to do provides a perfect opportunity to experience the remarkably healing (and humbling) power of love and community.
If you’ve followed my writing for any amount of time, you’ll probably be aware that community, and more specifically love, are themes I ruminate on with some regularity. I’m a bit of an idealist (okay, maybe more than a bit), and I really believe that love is at the root of our collective liberation.
Many of us live in cultures that are obsessed with the idea of love; music, films, adverts and all kinds of media glorify dramatic displays of romantic interest. Feel-good videos about acts of kindness or generosity regularly go viral on social media. Wasn’t there even a free-hugs movement once? (Imagine trying to explain to those enthusiastic hug distributors that we would one day be living in a moment where we had to stand six feet apart, or risk ending up in hospital!)
It is increasingly apparent to me though, that as obsessed as our cultures may be with the idea of love, we are generally not very well-acquainted with its true nature. Most of us seem unaware of how important love is if we are ever going to be able to heal and transform ourselves and our societies.
There are some things that are necessary for love to be truly transformative, and a fair amount of them are largely absent from our shared imagination. We can’t have love without responsibility, accountability, or material care. We can’t have love without embracing humility when we make mistakes, or committing to repairing the harm we inevitably do. We can’t have love without being able to ask for or accept help when we need it. We can’t have love without integrity, courage or risk.
These past few days, I have been in a position where I needed to rely on all of these difficult aspects of love. I’ve also lived through some of the unsavoury outcomes that emerge where they are absent. Overall, it has been another reminder that ultimately, love teaches us about ourselves so that we can be transformed internally, and thus transform the world.
The entire experience has served as a reminder to be grateful for the lessons that love provides, no matter what form they take. I’m not at my best right now; radical love is holding me up. And I’m remembering that whenever I’m called upon to embrace the less glamorous, more transformative aspects of love, I must do my best not to let the side down. So should you.
Till next time,
OluTimehin
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