Bookmark this! How to make up your own mind – and five other reads on love

Welcome to the new Bookmark This! At The Correspondent, we believe in looking at issues from as many angles as possible. That’s why from this week on, we’ll be theming our weekend recommendations by topic.

First up: love.

If, like me, the only Valentine’s Day message you got was from your mum (thanks, Mum!), be assured that these reads are much more than just hearts and roses.

You’ll find out how prejudiced you are with love choices (it’s probably much more than you think), why men need to love men, and the joys of finding your own voice. We also dig back through the Correspondent archives to discover why love really matters and how it can transform people – and even bring about radical social change.

Enjoy your weekend and love in whatever form it comes!

A nation divided by ... love The saying goes that love conquers all, but it turns out that in Australia (and everywhere, I bet), this is definitely not the case. For this incredibly cool piece of data journalism, the Australian Broadcasting Commission asked nearly 55,000 people to rate their openness to romantic involvement with different groups of people on a scale of -5 (not at all open) to +5 (very open). Take the survey and see how prejudiced your love is – and post the answers below if you dare! (Imogen, engagement editor) ABC: Love and prejudice: why we’re a nation sharply divided (reading time: 10 minutes)

Men, you really need to love other men This essay by Melanie Hamlett changed my life. We often hear about toxic masculinity as a phenomenon, but this was the best explanation I’ve ever read of how it is produced in society. We live in a culture that discourages men from confiding in other men, caring for other men, sharing their lives with other men, and loving other men. So it’s women who shoulder the burden of processing men’s repressed emotions. Women in intimate relationships with men are often friend, therapist and lover all at the same time. It’s rare for men to have healthy friendships with other men. That absolutely has to change, and it’s as easy as starting a men’s group – the details are in the article – which I did after reading this. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. (Eric, Climate correspondent) Harper’s Bazaar: Men have no friends and women bear the burden (reading time: 15 minutes)

A love letter to finding your own voice At the age of 22, novelist Sally Rooney became the number one competitive debater on the continent of Europe. Then she quit. The world of college debating is gruellingly competitive – long days, little sleep, and you need to learn how to lose. A judge gives you a topic and you have no say in which side you’ll argue for. But Rooney got tired of coming up with arguments for, say, “fun ways capitalism benefits the poor” just to win a trophy and some self-validation. This essay is a love letter to making up your own mind and learning to be yourself. As she says herself: “I’m not 19 anymore; I don’t need to make people feel comfortable. In the end, it was me.” (Shaun, copy editor) The Dublin Review: Even if you beat me (reading time: 12 minutes)

The best of The Correspondent on love

Love, sweat and leaflets: how the same-sex marriage movement won in Ireland The most successful movements bring about political change by putting the most fundamental part of political activism at their cores: love for fellow humans, and a desire to make their lives better. Read Nesrine Malik’s article here In 2030, we ended the climate emergency. Here’s how If words make worlds, then we urgently need to tell a new story about the climate crisis. Here is one vision of what it could look and feel like to radically, collectively take action. Read Eric Holthaus’s article here Forget romantic love, especially today. Let’s celebrate (and practise) a different kind of love instead You know the story: a dashing man meets a damsel in distress, and they live happily ever after in wedded bliss. But real love is so much more than a fantasy. Love is embracing curiosity and caring for ourselves. It’s working for the collective good and self-respect. And yes, when done properly, love can change the world. Read OluTimehin Adegbeye’s article here