Hi,
One of the warmest things I’ve witnessed online this past week is the conversation going on below Othering correspondent OluTimehin Adegbeye’s beautiful newsletter in which she asked members: Who are you?
The idea is to be able to describe yourself without mentioning your job, nationality or education – the same way we were asked to do it when we applied for our jobs at The Correspondent.
I wrote my own application form completely underslept, in a stranger’s home, about to embark on a complex one-month reporting trip with a three-month-old. All I remembered from what I wrote was that I did so late at night, with a feeling of urgency.
After reading OluTimehin, I looked through my folders to find that application form again. And here it is: a testimony of what a new mum without maternity leave and a stable income can put down on paper with little sleep.
“Since becoming a mother three months ago, I’ve turned into a superwoman. This is no exaggeration: juggling a newborn with life in the countryside and my creative and professional quests – with no maternity leave – has made me more creative, efficient and organised. It’s helped me focus and prioritize, dedicating myself to my true passions. Lorenzo’s curious eyes are helping me explore new perspectives. Some things haven’t changed: I still go on adventurous journeys and I’m a bad packer. But being a parent has taught me to do things with more margin: I may not be good at packing, but if I leave it for the last minute, the results can be disastrous. As I write this, I’m all set to leave for Lampedusa – and there are still 12 hours to go. A superwoman, I’m telling you.”
As you can tell, I didn’t really explain who I am, but instead gave a glimpse into the chaos that was my life at the time. So, imagine my surprise when I got the message inviting me for a follow-up interview! This was my dream job, and the universe was listening.
As I went further down the selection process, I met Lynn Berger, the Culture and Clichés correspondent on our Dutch sister publication De Correspondent, whose book Second Thoughts – Reflections on Having and Being a Second Child is about to come out in English. What was a work interview turned into an inspiring chat, during which Lynn and I even started brainstorming about ideas to cover the idea of family beyond the nuclear, heteronormative way! And now, almost a year later, our first co-production is out in the world.
Meet Alison Gopnik
Lynn and I decided to interview Alison Gopnik after many chats in which her name kept coming up. Gopnik is a philosopher and cognitive development researcher who has dedicated her career to understanding how the brains of babies and young children work. Gopnik is a thinker and researcher who puts the relationship between carers and children at the heart of our evolutionary history. Wow, right?!
Reading her books has been a liberating experience.
For example, I’ve understood why being a parent is so exhausting: children are meant to be taken care of for a long time so that they can learn how the world works while having no worries of their own.
I’ve also learnt how to be more patient when my son throws things on the floor on repeat. (I tell myself: he’s learning about gravity.) And I got a sense of how important it is when he pretends to be drinking from a non-existent cup over and over again: he’s basically learning how to imagine, and that is key for our civilisation to evolve.
Gopnik gives no advice to parents and believes that our current obsession with parenting is actually counterproductive. But her way of explaining how every moment of our life has a point really spoke to me as a mother, and as your First 1,000 Days correspondent.
You can read the full piece here, and join the conversation with other cognitive scientists below the piece.
In praise of fatherhood
I couldn’t be writing this newsletter right now were it not for Nacho, my husband, who has been dedicating himself fulltime to our son Lorenzo, since I started working at The Correspondent.
I’ve written about the role of fathers before, and how little responsibility they usually take for their children. Even in lockdown, mothers are bearing the brunt of childcare and home chores.
Nacho is an exception to these numbers. He’s a true superfather and superpartner. And I’m glad he is because our family setup helps as a reminder that statistics mostly conceal the humans that are at the heart of them.
Another case in point: this video of a child and father jamming together. It’s not only really cute and fun, but it is also quite addictive to watch! It was The Dad Gang who shared it – a project that aims at shining a light on black fathers, breaking stereotypes.
Extra tip: if you want to get a sense of how significant this father-child interaction is, catch this thread by Suzanne Zeedyk, who studies babies’ innate capacity to connect, and breaks down what’s going on behind the scenes in this video, second by second.
Period power
If you’ve been following my work, you may remember how much I love Jacinda Ardern’s style. The New Zealand prime minister declared tooth fairies essential workers during the pandemic and listened to children’s worries.
Now she’s announced that the government will provide sanitary products to all girls in high schools. She said that some 95,000 girls in New Zealand may skip school on a monthly basis because they can’t afford to pay for pads or tampons – and that was significant enough for the government to step in.
It took a woman to understand how disruptive periods can be – and to act on it.
Superpowers
Becoming a mother helped me focus on the superpowers I had never recognised before: my ability to exist in different countries, talk to people compassionately, write, chase my passions, and love.
What about you? Do you consider yourself a superperson in one way or another? If so, what is your superpower? Let me know, under this newsletter.
Until next week,
Irene
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