Childhood pictures

Hi,

If you have been reading my newsletters and my work for The Correspondent so far, you already know that I have a nine-month-old son, and that his name is Lorenzo. You will, however, not have seen an image of him, and that will stay like that.

My husband and I decided from the get-go a “no social media” policy for Lorenzo. Even so, we have had friends ask whether they could make an exception and publish a picture of him. Which I think is baffling. (The answer was I’d rather not, by the way, and I also think you should always ask a parent or carer before publishing pictures of children on social networks.)

Talking to my colleague Lynn Berger, who writes for our Dutch sister site De Correspondent, she mentioned that when she wrote her book Second Thoughts, Lynn’s book is being translated into English, and I can’t wait to read it. Here is an overview. she purposefully avoided using her children’s first names. In this era of oversharing, that hadn’t even crossed my mind.

In fact, I have been pretty liberal about the use of Lorenzo’s name and some details of his birth. I have also brought him along to many conferences, seminars, interviews, and even my onboarding week at The Correspondent. (Of course, all of these movements were possible thanks to my husband’s flexible schedule and willingness to take on a lot more of the childcare at this point. Plus, it made financial sense for my husband to come along rather than pay for childcare, and it was our preferred option, rather than leaving Lorenzo with someone new every week.) I have also been very open about breastfeeding in public, and women have come up to me to thank me for bringing the little one along and asking conferences to provide childcare so that these events can become more inclusive. Emily Goligoski and Marisa Mazria Katz wrote about this, pointing out that the cost of childcare for conferences is pretty low and it can make a big difference in the long-term to include those who can’t afford childcare.

But pictures, no thanks. I know that photos can be inspiring. For example, I follow my former BBC colleague Katy Watson, who reports from South America and has just had a second child. Her Instagram feed Here is Katy’s Instagram. is full of pictures of behind-the-scenes pumping, even before interviewing Chile’s President Sebastián Piñera, and cute images of her children watching her live on TV. This image of Watson’s packed bag with her radio and breastfeeding equipment is particularly compelling.

I find her outspokenness very inspiring, but I myself cannot do that. I don’t want Lorenzo anywhere, the same way I wouldn’t want pictures of my childhood to be everywhere. I am happy to bring him along to events, but not to share his life on social networks.

I was thinking about all of this when I came across this piece If you can access the Washington Post, here is the link. by Jennifer Meer in The Washington Post in which she talks of her 12-year-old son Googling her name. Meer has a blog and in 2013 she wrote about how her mobile phone distracted her as she was bathing her 4-year-old daughter. This is Meer’s piece from 2013. The daughter was unwell and fell asleep in the tub. Thankfully nothing happened, but Meer was shaken and wrote about it.

“Editors would ask for pictures and I would eagerly supply them, all the while never thinking about the way things are shared and manipulated online,” writes Meer reflecting back on that story. Years later, her son came across some of those pictures and stories with nasty comments about his mother.

Meer says she can’t go back and change what she did, but now she can reflect and guide her son “to be as deliberate and thoughtful as possible as he clicks ahead, carefully carving out his own digital future”.

I agree: if I want Lorenzo to be thoughtful of his own social networks use, then I should start by keeping his image off them – as long as I am the only one who has a say in this.

Anyone in Amsterdam?

Reflecting on childhood pictures took actor-director Maryam Zaree in a very different direction. For her film Born in Evin, she goes on a quest to uncover the violent circumstances of her birth, in the notorious Evin Prison in Tehran, Iran. I reviewed the film for The Correspondent Here is a link to my article on Born in Evin. and explained why I think it is a great example of how memory-making is not only individual and is often a result of what happens politically too. 

If you are interested in seeing the film and are in Amsterdam, I will be at the International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam (Idfa) on 24 November to hold a Q&A with the director Zaree after the film screening. Check the Idfa programme for more details.

Send me an email for a 30% discount – this applies to all screenings of the film. 

See you soon!

Irene

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